‘Be the better man’
Choosing a better response than reacting or retaliation is acting in accord with our true nature as the children of an all-loving God.
My friend Liz taught me a lot about parenting, and she always had a quick one-liner to explain a life lesson to her children.
One day when the kids and I were over for a play date, her son was aggrieved because a friend of his was behaving badly and had been mean to him. Her son wanted to retaliate with a similar unkindness, but Liz looked him square in the eye and said, “Be the better man.” She then left him to go think about what that meant, and I thought about it too.
She didn’t mean to say that her son was better than this other person, or that he should think or act as if he was better than someone else. But she meant that if you want someone to be better, then you should start by being better yourself! We will never find satisfaction by lowering our standard of behavior. On the other hand, behaving according to our highest sense of right, we not only feel better, but it is likely our good words or deeds will bless others as well.
Christ Jesus definitely showed what it means to “be the better man” in the face of hatred and persecution. The Gospels record instance after instance of Jesus remaining poised and gracious in his interactions with those who strongly opposed him and his ministry. His commitment to good words and deeds effectively rejected the hatred aimed at him and led to his own triumph over all evil, blessing all of humanity.
Christian Science explains that undergirding Jesus’ thoughts and actions was the deep-seated understanding that God is all-powerful and only good, and that each individual is made to spiritually express this divine nature – to be a shining example of God’s goodness and love. So when confronted with what seemed to be evil in others, Jesus never resigned himself to that sense of them. Seeing the pure spirituality and goodness that he knew constituted the real identity of each individual, Jesus unfailingly rose above the evidence presenting evil as real, understanding it as the falsity not the fact of existence.
Jesus’ example was given to lift all of humanity to this better model for thought and action. In the book of John he is recorded as saying, “Now shall the prince of this world be cast out. And I, if I be lifted up from the earth, will draw all men unto me” (12:31, 32). “The prince of this world” might be considered the pervasive belief that man can be evil, constituted of ungodlike qualities. In particular, Mary Baker Eddy, the founder of the Monitor, wrote, “The pride of place or power is the prince of this world that hath nothing in Christ” (“The First Church of Christ, Scientist, and Miscellany,” p. 4).
Years ago, I was serving in a key role in our church, and there was another church member who appeared to strongly dislike me and my style of working. He was very critical of many things I did, and at one point even threatened to have me removed from the position I was serving in.
Roiling inside, I couldn’t stop ruminating about what he had said to me and what I might say back to him! Distressed at the way my thinking was headed, I began to pray about it. I knew I could be “lifted up” to a Christlike response in thought and deed.
Soon, I remembered a simple phrase written by Mrs. Eddy: “And Love is reflected in love” (“Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures,” p. 17). This is Mrs. Eddy’s spiritual interpretation of Jesus’ words in the Lord’s Prayer, “And forgive us our debts, as we forgive our debtors” (Matthew 6:12). Or in other words, when we forgive others, reflecting that all-encompassing divine Love, love is expressed right back at us!
As I considered this idea, I was suddenly struck by how much this person and his family contributed to the operation of our church. He was so selfless in his devotion to our church, and his sincere love for Christian Science was evident. I spent some time just thinking about all the things he had ever done for church, and feeling grateful for each one. Slowly the anger faded away and it was replaced by a genuine love for this man. And I thought, “It’s OK if he doesn’t like me. I just love him!”
Well, Love was indeed reflected in love. Soon, he was treating me so much more kindly. A few weeks later he came up to me after church and apologized profusely for having been so unkind. In fact, he shared how much he appreciated the work I was doing and couldn’t imagine what caused him to say what he said.
So often we hope that someone else will behave better, do something better, or apologize for some offense they have committed. But we are each responsible only for our own behavior, for our own thoughts and deeds. What we are thinking, along with how we respond, makes all the difference. When we choose something better than negativity, hatred, or reacting in kind, we’re choosing our better nature – our only real nature – as God’s loving and kind and good creation.