Want to help solve political polarization? Maybe start with civility.

Are we overdoing democracy? That might sound like an odd question. But it’s an essential one.

On Tuesday, I talked with Alexandra Hudson, author of “The Soul of Civility: Timeless Principles To Heal Society and Ourselves.” We explored the difference between civility and politeness, and the connection between civility and trust, and we discussed how these ideals stretch across eras and places in a universal way.

But that comment struck a chord. Here’s the full quote.

“We’re overdoing democracy and undermining democracy,” Ms. Hudson said. “It’s detrimental to our ... freedom and our flourishing but also to our own souls, too – to expect too much out of politics and to derive our ultimate meaning from these issues.”

Have we let politics usurp its proper place in our shared living? That’s Ms. Hudson’s question. If so, civility is one crucial way to right the balance.

Civility is not about politeness – as many people assume. Rather, it’s the unshakable conviction in every human being’s worth and the determination not to be goaded into thinking or acting otherwise. In other words, it’s a commitment to putting humanity first.

In that way, it’s not about sweeping things under the rug. In fact, it can mean the opposite. “Sometimes, actually respecting someone – actually loving someone – requires being impolite, requires having a hard conversation,” she said.

Done right, civility brings perspective, and that perspective is essential to civil society and democracy. It helps us get our priorities right, and in doing so, we build trust by becoming trustworthy ourselves.

If we care only about winning at any cost, we undermine our ability to live together.  

Ms. Hudson pointed to the example of people like Mohandas Gandhi and Martin Luther King Jr. “They knew the means mattered,” she said.

“In their pursuit of equal recognition and respect for human dignity, they couldn’t undermine the dignity of some people – their fellow citizens, their fellow human beings – along the way,” Ms. Hudson said.

The good news, she added, is that she sees a “renaissance” of people trying to rebuild society’s ties – and trust. She cited examples of people breaking out of their media and cultural “bubbles” to reach out to people of all backgrounds and become a point of connection.

“We can do that, too,” she said. “That’s the empowering message – that people are doing this, and it’s not a superpower. We can start right now. ... It’s about using what we do have and opening up our homes and hearts to others.”

In the end, it’s not rocket science – or even anything particularly new. From ancient Egypt to ancient China to ancient Greece, thoughtful people have, again and again, come to the same conclusions. These principles are essential to healthy human societies.

It comes down to, “What works when it comes to doing life together, and what doesn’t?” Ms. Hudson said. “And let’s do more of what works, and less of what doesn’t.”