Christmas parenting wisdom: 'It's Jesus' birthday, not yours'

Christmas parenting wisdom from a grandfather shapes a family culture: 'It's Jesus' birthday, not yours.' There’s a lot of empty space under our tree, but our homes are filled with friends and festivities.

“It’s Jesus' birthday, not yours.”

That statement was once said gently by my Grandfather Ralph Kochenderfer and repeated for years by other family members. Ralph was a reserved and kind man, but he had his priorities straight. He never missed an event his four children took part in. And he would even let them play hooky on good fishing days: With a lunch of oatmeal cookies and cheese they would spend the day by the creek.

But Christmas traditions were different.

Grandfather was Pennsylvania Dutch with what seemed like a significant Amish streak. A dignified and honorable man he kept all the secrets of his little town in South Dakota. As the railroad depot agent he was the telegrapher in town in the 1920s and '30s, so he knew the contents of every message sent and received.

While he did not believe in the frenzy over gifts he enjoyed the celebration.

The depot waiting room was the largest site in town and every year was the location for wonderful holiday parties – food, music, and spirit provided by everyone in town.

I’m grateful that this simple statement became part of the family culture. While others scurry around purchasing for people close and not so close to them, most of us are decorating our homes or arranging little (or sometimes big) parties. There’s a lot of empty space under our tree, but our homes are filled with friends and festivities.

My husband and I started early with our own children not to expect volume. Our family event on Christmas Eve takes very little time for package opening with only a few small thoughtful gifts.

Now that our children are grown, we give them a little money to add to their savings for a special purchase. And there is sometimes a handmade gift card for a special activity for the family.

One year when they were younger we took them for dinner at a nice French restaurant. That experience was so special and memorable it has become a point of reference for them.

I just made reservations at the same restaurant and am certain the memory of the upcoming dinner will stay with them longer than anything they could unwrap from under the tree.

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