With hit ‘Girl, So Confusing,’ pop stars offer a model of conflict resolution

Not since Prince beat Michael Jackson at pingpong has a pop duel been handled so creatively. 

Music fans hadn’t fully been aware of tensions between Charli XCX and Lorde. Then came the rerelease of “Girl, So Confusing” – one of the hits of the summer. 

The annals of music history are filled with stories of tensions between artists. Joni Mitchell versus Joan Baez. Neil Young versus Lynyrd Skynyrd. Axl Rose versus Kurt Cobain. This year, hip-hop luminaries Drake and Kendrick Lamar have been lobbing lyrical hand grenades – “diss tracks” – at each other. The press treats such rivalries like sport. Blow-by-blow reports of who’s “winning” make the rounds on social media. It’s just as well that Salieri and Mozart aren’t around today.

By contrast, the two rival pop stars just released a hit that’s being hailed as a model of conflict resolution. A remix of “Girl, So Confusing” by Charli XCX and Lorde is bracingly honest (also, catchy). As the singers trade verses, they admit to secret insecurities that turned them into frenemies. They’re pushing back against the ego and competition inherent in the pop industry. 

“I don’t think our culture incentivizes pop stars to be humble and self-reflective,” says Simon Vozick-Levinson, an editor at Rolling Stone. “It’s counterintuitive for two pop stars to actually sit down and say, ‘Wait a second, we’re not actually enemies here. We actually have a lot more in common.’”

The duo’s collaboration has a surprising backstory. The original version of “Girl, So Confusing” (released June 7) doesn’t feature Lorde. It appears on Charli XCX’s “Brat,” the most critically acclaimed album of 2024 so far. Its lyrics are about an unnamed foil. The British pop star wonders in the song if her peer is being honest when she says they should make music together. She speculates that the other pop star wants to see her fail. 

Internet sleuths correctly guessed the song was about Lorde, whose hits include “Royals” and “Green Light.” Charli XCX and Lorde both got their start as teenagers by posting songs online. In 2013, they each released debut albums on big record labels. Result? Endless comparisons. (As Charli XCX sings, “People say we’re alike / They say we’ve got the same hair.”) Privately, the two stars were comparing themselves to each other, too.

A remix of “Girl, So Confusing,” released June 21, features new verses with Lorde’s perspective. In the song, Lorde declares she was speechless upon discovering Charli XCX’s feelings. “Your life seemed so awesome,” raps the New Zealander. Lorde also explains why she’d cancel Charli XCX’s meetup invitations at the last minute. She was afraid of being in pictures alongside her photogenic contemporary.

“’Cause for the last couple years / I’ve been at war in my body / I tried to starve myself thinner / And then I gained all the weight back,” Lorde reveals. 

“Lorde opening up like that on the track is incredible,” says Mr. Vozick-Levinson. “It’s a testament to the tone that Charli XCX set with that song. ... Being really upfront and honest about how it feels behind the front of being a pop star who projects all of this confidence and attitude. The real human emotions behind that.”

According to friendship coach Danielle Bayard Jackson, our culture encourages competition between women. Example: Tabloid magazines ask, “Who wore it better?” The phenomenon goes beyond just celebrities. She says there are societal pressures to hit certain milestones – such as jobs, marriage, and children – and to look a certain way. That outside noise can encourage women to measure themselves against one another. It can turn close friends into perceived threats.

Men are more likely to confront each other to hash out differences. Women tend to keep their jealousies and dissatisfactions with one another secret, says Ms. Bayard Jackson, author of “Fighting For Our Friendships: The Science and Art of Conflict and Connection in Women’s Relationships.” They manifest as sabotage or a backhanded compliment. Women worry about being labeled “difficult,” so they have to maintain the appearance of cooperation. 

“I’ve seen videos on social media of girls playing this video [of the song] and showing their reaction to the song and girls getting very emotional,” says Ms. Bayard Jackson. “Many women wish that they could speak so openly and lay it bare without the game playing, without the unspoken rules of covert aggression among women. I think that so many women are craving the same freedom just to lay bare their insecurities, to just put it on the table and to reconcile.” 

There have been notable previous instances of musicians putting long-standing feuds to rest. In 2018, Taylor Swift found a surprising package in her dressing room: an actual olive branch. It was from Katy Perry. Ms. Swift then invited her adversary – widely believed to be the target of her hit song “Bad Blood” – to co-star in the music video for “You Need To Calm Down.” 

Steven Hyden’s 2016 book, “Your Favorite Band Is Killing Me,” details other pop music rivalries, including stories about Mr. Jackson, Prince, and a table tennis match. The downside of public sparring between musicians is it can engender tribalism among listeners. 

“The idea of defining yourself as a fan of this thing, and therefore you’re against this other thing, is much more of a young person point of view,” says Mr. Hyden. His latest book, “There Was Nothing You Could Do,” is about Bruce Springsteen’s album “Born In The U.S.A.” “The world is a lot more nuanced to me now than it was when I was a teenager. I’m more inclined to look at things I don’t understand with an empathetic eye.”

Mr. Hyden still finds entertainment value in disputes such as the one between Drake and Mr. Lamar. They can spawn great tunes. But, the music writer adds, “If you’re looking for role models in pop culture, you would probably want to veer more towards the Charli XCX [and] Lorde side. You talk it out.”

In “Girl, So Confusing,” Lorde sings, “I’m glad I know how you feel / ‘Cause I ride for you, Charli.” At the end of the chorus, ready made for blasting out of open car windows and boom boxes at the beach, Charli XCX responds, “You know I ride for you, too.”