Who needs Stephen Colbert? Five witty quips from Barney Frank Friday.

House Financial Services Committee Chair Barney Frank, the guest Friday at a Monitor-sponsored breakfast for reporters in Washington, had journalists chortling. Here are his five best lines.

House Financial Services Committee Chair Barney Frank (D) of Massachusetts is one of the wittiest people in public life.

He was the guest Friday at a Monitor-sponsored breakfast for reporters in Washington. Here are five quips that triggered laughter from the journalists at the session.

On the role of community colleges in preparing students for good jobs that stay in the US:

“Nursing is very important. I am not an isolationist but one of the nice things about nursing from this standpoint is you can’t stick a needle in someone’s [rear end] from Mumbai. If you are going to be a nurse, you are going to be in America.”

On housing prices:

“Look, it was a good thing that housing prices came down. The problem is they came down much too rapidly. I’d like to lose 15 pounds, but not by Sunday.”

On where he gets his news:

“Your blogs and tweets will not get to me. As to Twitter, I guess it is a great thing but I am not all that interested in where my colleagues have had lunch, which appears to be its major point. I read the newspapers a lot. ”

On his Republican opponent’s claim that having Bill Clinton campaign for him shows he is desperate:

“There are three choices. I can not campaign at all and be accused of being arrogant…. Or I could campaign the best I know how. Or alternatively, I could campaign but ineffectively. I said I suppose instead of inviting Bill Clinton in, I could have invited Jimmy Carter in. Get someone unpopular because especially after his decision to attack Ted Kennedy, Jimmy Carter is not riding high in Massachusetts.

On why House members did not want to vote before the election on whether tax cuts should be extended:

“Let’s be clear. Avoiding taking tough positions is a pretty constant goal of most members of Congress, most of the time.”