A questionnaire

RECENTLY I received a questionnaire in the mail seeking answers for a survey on the householder's use of electronic equipment. Such questions as the following were printed there:

* Do you have a home computer?

* Do you have a microwave oven?

* Do you have one or several video games?

* Do you own high-precision tools?

* Do you use an elevator lift in your home?

There were other questions all related to advanced technology and progressive automation.

I felt a slight awkwardness as I answered each of these questions negatively. We did not have even a single article of this sophisticated applied science in our home. Did this lack of modern supplies mark us as mid-Victorian?

Disgruntled, I noticed a remark at the end of the questionnaire.

''If any power and energy item you own has been omitted from this list, please explain on the attached sheet.''

This gave me an idea. On the blank sheet I wrote my own questionnaire:

* Have you ever milked a cow?

* Have you ever dug potatoes?

* Have you ever set a hen?

* Have you ever rescued a wounded pigeon?

* Have you ever plowed a straight furrow?

* Have you ever churned milk into golden butter?

* Have you ever made jelly from wild blackberries?

* Have you ever smelled wild onions lingering on the morning air?

* Have you ever located a shy turkey's nest?

* Have you ever helped birth a calf?

* Have you watched a pussy willow bursting into bud?

* Have you savored the dusk of an April evening on a country hillside?