On bearing arms and umbrellas

THE United States Army, which for 210 years has been all wet as a matter of official policy, says it plans to stay that way. Since the Army was established in 1775, male soldiers haven't been able to wear a uniform and carry an umbrella at the same time. Not that it's too demanding a task: the Army won't let them. And that's the way it's going to stay, say the secretary of the Army and its chief of staff. We understand the raised-rib problems as well as anyone.

No foreign dignitary would want to review ranks of hoisted umbrellas. A tank could fill to shin-depth if somebody couldn't furl his umbrella. And it would be cruel and unusual punishment to be ordered to fight a war with a rifle in one hand and an umbrella in the other. (Maybe that's a good reason to issue umbrellas, and to both sides.)

Some people are officially permitted to hoist umbrellas. All women in the military, for example. Men in the Air Force. And the rare civilian who hasn't left his in the closet when it rains.

But next time it pours all the males in the entire Army, plus the Navy and Marine Corps, once again are going to get soaked.

Except, of course, for those astute enough to come in out of the rain. ----30{et

You've read 3 of 3 free articles. Subscribe to continue.
QR Code to On bearing arms and umbrellas
Read this article in
https://www.csmonitor.com/1985/0122/ewet.html
QR Code to Subscription page
Start your subscription today
https://www.csmonitor.com/subscribe
CSM logo

Why is Christian Science in our name?

Our name is about honesty. The Monitor is owned by The Christian Science Church, and we’ve always been transparent about that.

The Church publishes the Monitor because it sees good journalism as vital to progress in the world. Since 1908, we’ve aimed “to injure no man, but to bless all mankind,” as our founder, Mary Baker Eddy, put it.

Here, you’ll find award-winning journalism not driven by commercial influences – a news organization that takes seriously its mission to uplift the world by seeking solutions and finding reasons for credible hope.

Explore values journalism About us