Book of the month

FIDEL Castro, according to certain unnamed sources, is going to write a book. Actually, it is alleged he is going to write three books. The first one is to be about the failure of religion. The second one is to be about the failure of economics. The subject of the third seems to be still undecided, but this is not considered a serious omission since he has a wide selection of failures to choose from.

Having Fidel Castro write about the failure of religion seems a bit like having him write about the failure of electric shavers. And, the same might be said about economics. The biggest problem Castro has in economics is getting bills mailed off to Moscow at the end of the month.

Also, he can keep on selling sugar to the Russians, which simplifies his farm program because Cubans try to avoid planting any other crop.

Speculation has started among Castro-watchers as to what particular failure his third book will be about. It is almost certain not to be about his failure to become leader of the third world. He may secretly gloat that Miami has achieved the highest crime rate in the United States, but there again, it is unlikely he would write a whole book about it.

But there must be something Fidel knows less about than religion and economics.

Barbershops? No, it would have to be something more closely related to the capitalistic world.

Maybe something along the lines of disproving that old capitalistic adage, ``Clothes make the man.'' It can be reliably said Fidel Castro is not a clotheshorse.

Of course, he may think he has resisted capitalistic fashion trends by wearing the same uniform he had when he first came to Cuba, but he is mistaken. In American TV video and rock concert crowds he would be considered well dressed. Come to think of it, if Castro could play a few chords on a guitar and walk out on a stage with Madonna, he would be a smash.

It might get his third book out of the failure rut.