The Net before Christmas

'Twas the month before Christmas

And all through the house,

Not a creature was stirring,

Save one cyber mouse.

All the shopping had been done,

By the chimney

From a chair.

Who needs old St. Nicholas?

I've got Net marketshare!

The children were nestled

All snug in their beds,

While visions of skateboards Whirled 'round in their heads.

And mamma in her Timberlands,

And I with my Mac,

Had warmed up the keyboard,

For some late night Web chat.

When out from the TV,

There arose such a clatter,

Some big-haired news anchor

Had just started to chatter.

He bobbed and he smiled and Happy talked with a flurry,

"Just 31 days 'til Christmas

You must shop; you must hurry!"

I sprang from my chair,

Dropped the mouse with a clatter.

And turned off the TV.

We don't need all that patter!

We've done all our shopping

On the Net this year.

There's no need for the the mall Or those tiny reindeer.

Toys come FedEx in a truck,

So speedy and quick.

It's the virtual alternative

To dear old St. Nick.

The driver leaves goodies

On the porch, near the wall,

And walks away shouting: "Click away, click away, click away all!"

So that's the whole story,

Apologies to Clement Clarke Moore.

For mangling his poem

And distorting his lore.

But Christmas, this year,

Is quite simply a cinch.

And no one can spoil it, not even Bill Grinch.