The Bard on base

Shakespeare almost had it right - "All the world's a stage." What he meant to say is, all the world's really a baseball diamond. Imagine him at the controls of one of the new, screaming, beaming electronic scoreboards that give play-by-play quips on the game. Roy H. Millenson, of Bethesda, Md., did, and here are some examples:

On predictions by sports experts: "Of excellent dumb discourse." - The Tempest

The umpire's opinion of himself: "An upright judge, a learned judge!" - Merchant of Venice

Watching the opposition's pitcher: "I know a trick worth two of that." - King Henry IV, Part I

The owner looks at the player's agent: "Has this fellow no feeling of his business?" - Hamlet

The owner to the players' agent: "I'll not budge an inch." - Taming of the Shrew

The relief pitcher speaks: "He does it with better grace, but I do it more natural." - Twelfth Night

On the TV commentator: "Men of few words are the best men." - King Henry V

The fans: "Splitting the air with noise." - Coriolanus

The unsuccessful pop-up: "Poor harmless fly." - Titus Adronicus

The losing manager comments: "We have seen better days." - Timon of Athens

Comment on the unpredicted upset: "If this were played upon a stage now, I could condemn it as an improbable fiction." - Twelfth Night

The protest to the umpire: "Some villain hath done me wrong." - King Lear

The base stealer: "Every way makes my gain." - Othello

The fan's wife: "The chronicle of wasted time." - Sonnet 106