Our moveable feast has a mobile table

I live in the sort of household where it's not the least bit unusual to stand with a rather bewildered look, holding two full dinner plates, wondering where the dining table is.

"Let's see, it was in the kitchen last month, then we moved it to mop the floor one day and decided it fit better in the spare room. But after a cat had kittens in the tool shed, there was a problem with too many tools and we had to fill the spare room with the tools that wouldn't fit elsewhere. So we moved the table again."

But where?

I remember our dining table used to be in the corner of the living room, but once we got the bookcases up, it no longer fit. It landed in the hallway for a time, but that was too tight a squeeze.

The kitchen is full of unopened moving boxes. Outside on the patio is too cold.

Hey, who needs a dining room? We keep innovating to find a new (sometimes even better) home for the wandering table. Nobody would dare accuse us of not being creative decorators.

Our talent is obvious from the moment you come through our front door and see our wood-burning stovepipe that is crafted from dog-food cans. We have the most unusual décor around, not to mention the most offbeat ideas. This is what makes our household unique.

But imagine the horror of having guests over for dinner. You invite them to sit down, only to notice there is no longer a table where you thought it would be. You've sent them to the wrong room. This is difficult for your average person to understand.

"Sorry, the table was in here last week," you explain. "Excuse me for a sec. I'll have to go look for it again."

"No table in here," the ever-so-helpful husband calls out from the kitchen.

Total embarrassment as your guests stare you down. The roast is getting cold.

Now where did we put that table this time?