The J. Lo and Ben show

In "Gigli," Ben Affleck has a constant smirk on his face. His costar and real-life fiancée, Jennifer Lopez, also sports a mischievous grin. It's as if J. Lo and Ben are laughing to themselves and thinking, "We can make a really bad movie and people will still pay to see us."

Well, they had better rake in big bucks opening weekend, because once word gets out about how painful and laughably bad this film is, it will tank faster than you can say "Bennifer."

Affleck plays mob thug Larry Gigli, which rhymes with "really." It's an ongoing joke in the movie, but it's really not that funny. To protect a mob boss, Gigli receives orders to kidnap Brian, a developmentally disabled brother of a federal prosecutor. Meanwhile, J. Lo plays Ricki, hired to work with Gigli.

While they're waiting for their next order, Gigli begins hitting on Ricki in his apartment and soon she is waxing poetic nonsense about why women are superior to men. It's as if the screenwriters cobbled together a script with no thought or reason behind it.

It's well known that J. Lo and Ben's romance started with "Gigli." But there is no chemistry between them on screen. And, as if Americans haven't seen enough of Ben and Jen, the two will appear together again onscreen in "Jersey Girl," a comedy scheduled to debut next year. The track record for couples who make movies isn't impressive. Sparks flew between Russell Crowe and Meg Ryan while they were filming "Proof of Life," but the magic disintegrated on screen. Then there's Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton in 1963's "Cleopatra," an expensive spectacle that flopped.

"Gigli" is no different. At one point in the film, Gigli opens up to Ricki about how she's a "major babe" and how depressed he is that he can't have her: "Stick a fork in me. I'm done," he says. That's pretty much how viewers will feel by film's end.

• Rated R for profanity, innuendo, and violence.