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The art of conversation: Books for going beyond conflict

At a time when civility in politics seems increasingly rare, these books explore how the simple art of conversation can reduce conflict in our own lives.  

Many people want to communicate better with family, friends, colleagues, and acquaintances across the political spectrum. We’ve put together a list of books, some suggested by Bob Stains, an expert on conflict transformation (read our Q&A with him here), and others based on Monitor reviews and interviews.

We hope you’ll find the books helpful for further exploration. Please write us at books@csmonitor.com and share other titles you’ve found useful.

Classics 

•“Difficult Conversations: How To Discuss What Matters Most” by Douglas Stone, Bruce Patton, and Sheila Heen. Good for tough workplace conversations. 

•“Speak Peace in a World of Conflict: What You Say Next Will Change Your World” by Marshall Rosenberg. From the author of “Nonviolent Communication: A Language of Life.” A great resource for doing the “inner work” of constructive communication.

More recent titles

•“Making Great Relationships: Simple Practices for Solving Conflicts, Building Connection, and Fostering Love” by Rick Hanson. Based on insights from clinical psychology. Accessible, practical, and inspiring, according to Mr. Stains.

•“Seek: How Curiosity Can Transform Your Life and Change the World” by Scott Shigeoka. Gets us past the biggest barrier to connection and the most pernicious maintainer of polarization: certainty about others. 

•“Plays Well With Others: The Surprising Science Behind Why Everything You Know About Relationships Is (Mostly) Wrong” by Eric Barker. His big idea: “How do we maintain belonging when our stories are mutually exclusive? The solution is simple: more stories.”

•“How To Know a Person: The Art of Seeing Others Deeply and Being Deeply Seen” by David Brooks. Offers great examples and ideas about how to make it happen.

•“High Conflict: Why We Get Trapped and How We Get Out” by Amanda Ripley.

•“The Soul of Civility: Timeless Principles To Heal Society and Ourselves” by Alexandra Hudson.

•“How To Talk With Anyone About Anything: The Practice of Safe Conversations” by Harville Hendrix and Helen LaKelly Hunt. From the authors of “Getting the Love You Want.” 

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