Finding freedom from regretful memories

We’ve all had situations in our past that we’d like to forget – things we wish we’d said or done differently. The temptation to rehash such regrets can be insidious and persistent. We might try to block those memories from our thinking through willpower, but I’ve found that what’s most helpful is to heal them so that they no longer have any control over us.

We have the ability to be freed from such thinking. In “Science and Health with Key to the Scriptures,” Mary Baker Eddy, the discoverer of Christian Science, writes, “You must control evil thoughts in the first instance, or they will control you in the second” (p. 234).

God, being immortal Spirit, didn’t make mortality or mortal thoughts, so they could never define God’s creation, which includes each of us in our true, spiritual nature. Science and Health also says, “Everything good or worthy, God made. Whatever is valueless or baneful, He did not make, – hence its unreality” (p. 525).

So, bad memories are not part of God’s creation. Therefore, they have no power over us and don’t deserve a place in our consciousness. When our understanding of this truth destroys them, we will find that we are no longer chained to hurts or regrets related to a mortal, material past.

When I was younger, it seemed that my views and my dad’s were polar opposites on just about everything. I had a hard time seeing past our differences and, honestly, didn’t try to. I remember saying things to him that were unkind and disrespectful, without considering his point of view or recognizing his own hardships.

Years after my dad passed on, I regretted the times I had been uncaring and unforgiving toward him. These memories started to occupy my thinking, and I would rehearse them again and again. Then they started to snowball, bringing back even more negative memories, and I began to beat myself up with regret.

Eventually, I realized that I had to “wake up” and challenge these thoughts. I was used to doing this through prayer when needing to heal a physical illness. So, instead of trying to push away memories of those past mistakes, I prayed. This Bible verse came to me: “Now is the accepted time; behold, now is the day of salvation” (II Corinthians 6:2). For months, that thought was a guidepost for me and gave me hope.

Instead of seeing ourselves as participants in a material history, we can accept the true, spiritual view of ourselves as part of God’s ever-current reality of harmony and peace. Christ, the true idea of God, awakens us to this view. This change of thought can happen here and now. As we listen to God and trust His love and guidance, bad memories – and our negative reactions to them – are eliminated.

I affirmed that in truth I was subject only to God, divine Mind. As my thought began to shift away from self-hatred and regret, I was able to remember many qualities my dad had that I truly loved and respected – his generosity, talent, openness to new ideas, industriousness, cheerfulness, etc.

These are qualities of Spirit, God, not matter, so they continued to be expressed by my dad and by me. Forgiveness, gratitude, harmony, and love began to very naturally replace the “dark visions of material sense” (Science and Health, p. 428) that I had been holding on to for so long.

The fundamental truth that destroys persistent memories of mistakes, failures, and hurts is that man is never a material being with a mortal history, but a wholly pure, spiritual being created, governed, and guided by God. In reality, man – each one of us – is harmonious. Anything that would rob man of his innate, God-given happiness has no truth to it and therefore no power. Christ Jesus proved God’s law of good to be superior to every so-called law of matter.

Harmful occurrences – and memories of them – have no control over us when we recognize our life as the expression of harmonious, eternal Life, God. Desiring to recognize and cultivate only thoughts from divine Mind frees us and guides us forward.

Adapted from an article published on sentinel.christianscience.com, Feb. 22, 2024.